Well, sort of a dream. It was that fuzzy border between awake and asleep where I'm not quite yet unconscious, but I'm zoning out and the brain is starting to go to weird places. That's how I remember the rules so clearly. It's the same liminal zone where I found Henry the Tippler. It was close enough to a dream. I don't know if I'd ever think of this in day-brain mode without pharmaceutical assistance. Also, if the game sucks, I can say "well yeah of course it sucks, it was a dream."
How to play
Each player will need a little dry-erase board, chalk slate, notepad, or something they can write bids on without the other player seeing.1 The only other thing you need is a standard deck of cards, jokers removed. Every round starts with shuffling and dealing each player five cards, face up. Your hand should be face-up and visible to the other player at all times. Play proceeds in five rounds.
For each round, flip a card face up (the "turn card"). The players write down which of their own cards they want to bid for it, keeping their bids secret and revealing them simultaneously.
The main factor in winning a bid is the suit of the card. Winning bids are determined by a system of trump cards crossed with "rock-paper-scissors":
- ♠️ beats ♣️♦️
- ♣️ beats ♦️♥️
- ♦️ beats ♥️
- ♥️ beats ♠️
If each player bids the same suit, ties are broken by the card's rank. An ace of spades beats any other spade, club or diamond; but can be beaten by any heart.
When a player bids a winning card, they discard it and replace it with the new one. The other player keeps their card. Play then proceeds to the next round. Note that "winning a bid" will often not be a good thing! If a card doesn't help either of you, you want to try to force the other player to take it instead.
Each player gets one veto per game. A veto must be declared after the turn card but before the bidding round.2 When a player vetos, they decide if they want to replace the turn card or bury it. If they opt to replace, it gets discarded and a new one is drawn instead. If they bury it, that round is skipped entirely. If both players use their vetos to bury cards, then a total of only 3 new cards will be added to players' hands over the course of the game.
At the end of round 5, whoever has the best poker hand is the winner!
This isn't a form of poker that's played for money. Winning a hand is worth a point. You can play best 3-out-of-5 or however long you decide beforehand.
It introduces some interesting quandaries that aren't present in regular poker. For example, getting dealt a royal flush isn't a guaranteed win, because you have to bid, and you only get one veto. You're going to have to risk one of your cards at least three times and probably four. If your bid beats your opponent's in any of those rounds, you'll need to look for another play. If another king is revealed, you might try to bid your own king and keep the straight, which is also risky, or you might bid another card and try to get a more-reliable pair of kings. But if you have a hand full of spades and your opponent has a mix of hearts and clubs, then they can effectively decide who gets what. You might start from a strong hand and end up with garbage in round 5.
Then again, if you're dealt a royal flush of diamonds and your opponent has nothing but clubs, they might win every bid and you could still have a royal flush at the end. But your opponent will have many chances to foul your strategy, because if they get two hearts from the turn cards, you can only veto one of them. You'll be forced to take a heart and your royal flush will fall apart. Maybe you'll get lucky and end up with a pair of 10s or something, but your opponent has had 3 or 4 rounds to build a better hand, so trying to play out a royal flush is quite risky.
I don't really have a way to playtest, so maybe this game would be a frustrating chaotic mess. It seems like it could be fun, but maybe it'd be so pointless to try to get straights or flushes that every game would devolve into card-matching. But maybe the rules could be tweaked.
I also don't think it'd work with more than 2 players, because what if the bids are 5♠️ 5♦️ 5♥️? There wouldn't be a clear winner, so I guess that round would be a stalemate and no one would win. Then again, everyone knows what cards everyone has, so maybe this could make for interesting strategies. If the turn card is something nobody wants, maybe they can try to force a tactical stalemate. I can't simulate three players making secret bids, so the only way to see how this goes would be to play.
You might be able to play with up to 5 people, which seems like an information overload, but maybe it's possible. With 5 players, you might want to make it so a veto can only replace a card; otherwise, you could have a game where every turn card gets buried and whoever had the strongest opening hand wins. But then again, that might be a funny accidental outcome. A prisoner's dilemma.
Oh jeez, I didn't think about it until this second, but ≥3 players introduces the prospect of table talk. Players could coordinate to try to take down the one with the winning hand. You could have drama, intrigue, alliances and betrayals. This is way outside my wheelhouse, I'm no good at Werewolf or any of those diplomacy-type games, but maybe this would work as one.
But even if it only works with two players, that's fine, that was kind of the idea: there aren't many interesting 2-player games that only require a normal deck of cards and some paper. It might be a decent way to pass some time. Even if it is a chaotic mess, maybe that'd still be more fun than, say, five-card draw. Or Go Fish. If anyone I know in person reads this and wants to help me playtest, let me know. It might not be workable, but I feel like it'd be a shame to just forget about it.
Another variant: balanced suits
The suit chart above is how I dreamed it, but I also considered what it would be like with a straightforward RPS-style hierarchy:
♠️>♣️>♦️>♥️>♠️
In this variant, cards of two suits without a direct relationship (spades & diamonds, clubs & hearts) would draw, and the winning bid would be determined by rank. In the event of a full tie (e.g., J♠️ vs. J♦️), the round is a wash and neither player wins the card.
However, I thought none of the suits having an inherent advantage would make the game more difficult and less fun. It would be less luck-based, so this might be better for players who like cut-throat strategy and mind games, but I figure the average player wouldn't like it as much. But do give it a shot if it sounds like your thing.
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I guess in a pinch you could use your phone; the Giga Text app would help make the reveal more dramatic. ↩
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If you want to give players a physical token of veto power, each one could keep a joker they toss on the turn card when they're ready to use it. This would avoid situations where both players say "veto" at the same time and you don't know who should give theirs up. ↩
Hmm, I wonder if I could set this up on roll20.net so I could playtest with you from a distance. We'd have to scroll to different parts of the virtual table top and use the honor system for secret bids.
I also wonder if roll20.net still runs on my older computer.
@Lisa: I wondered if there was any generic online card game platform where one could try this. The only one I know of is Tabletop Simulator and that costs money/might not work on my computer. If you know one that works, I'd be on board!