Reviewing Every Track on "Freaks of Nature" (Various Artists, 1997)

Contents

1. Discovery
2. My Standpoint
3. The Reviews
4. Conclusion

Discovery

On my way to work on January 2, I noticed a bunch of CDs in the dirt at the side of the road. I investigated and was disappointed to learn that it was just a bunch of free internet trial CDs from around the turn of the century. I gathered them up anyway so I could post a photo when I got to the office:

because I thought it was funny that someone's new year cleaning spree apparently involved tossing a 30-year-old collection of free AOL CDs out their car window. Those discs were trash when they were new, why in the world would someone keep them for this long?? Were they in the person's car the entire time? I have so many questions.

One of the discs clearly stood out from the rest: Interactive Medical Terminology 2.0. But I don't care about that one. Another disc clearly stood out from the rest. It's bright yellow with a funky graphic design, the title is Freaks of Nature, and it appears to be extreme sports-themed.

This is also a free internet trial disc, but the aesthetics and the copyrights were clues that this one would have some music on it as well. This wasn't uncommon for the time: record labels and brands would often do co-marketing deals where they'd give away free branded sampler CDs to the hip young demographic the brand wanted to target. It was a cheap way for the brand to do direct marketing and for the label to get their artists some extra exposure. I figured EarthLink and the labels made a deal to bundle it with some skateboarding magazine.¹

Judging by the title, the extreme sports connection, and the fact that it dated to 1996, I guessed it would have a few alternative rock tracks and maybe some hip-hop, the kind of stuff you'd hear in a Tony Hawk's Pro Skater game. The mid-nineties was an interesting time for rock music: the influence of grunge was starting to fade but the nu-metal era had not yet taken over. There was no status quo and we saw a lot of experimentation,² so I expected that a compilation from that period might have some good stuff.

Well, what I really expected was that the disc wouldn't play at all, because I found it in a ditch and the shiny side looks like this:

But the day after New Year's was a Friday, and I was at the office by myself; so I connected up my bluetooth speaker, popped the disc in the drive, and checked to see whether I had something.

To my surprise, it played. To my delight, it's not just a sampler disc, it's a full album-length compilation: 17 tracks comprising over an hour of music. To my dismay, this is what I heard when I clicked the play button:

Click here to see video

Oh no. Could it be a nu-metal compilation after all? Korn's Follow the Leader wasn't out until 1998 and that's the record that opened the floodates, but in 1996 the genre must've been pupating. I was wary, but I kept listening, and was relieved when none of the other tracks resembled the opener.

I was impressed with how well the physical disc held up: a shocking number of early tracks played just fine. The crack at the edge is the most consequential damage, because every track from 11 on wouldn't play at all. From what I could hear, the album seemed promising, so when I got home I decided to assemble the full disc myself.

I found a photo of the track list on an eBay listing (and later found it on Discogs.) Over the weekend I located and downloaded every track but the 7th, which didn't appear to exist anywhere online. Luckily, that's one of the tracks that played without skips, so when I got back to work on Monday I ripped it from the disc to complete the collection. I had only intended to upload it to archive.org, but a lot of this music has been forgotten or was overlooked entirely, so I thought it was worth talking about. Thus, this review!

I will talk about each song and give it a score from 0-4 based on how much I like it. I reserve the right to add bonus points (💎) or give demerits (💣️) to songs I think are especially good or egregiously bad. At the end, I'll add up the scores to get a total out of 68, and decide whether Freaks of Nature has earned a permanent spot in my media library.

My Standpoint

Standard disclaimer that should apply any time I talk about music: I have no expertise and no specific musical experience except as an enjoyer. However, I like a wide variety of music, I'm willing to listen carefully, and I've got a good grasp on what I like. I think even my inexpert opinion can offer some value. For any musicians that might be reading, I apologize for my unscientific takes and clunky terminology. I will try my best.

Due to an audio processing disorder, I usually lack the ability to parse lyrics from the surrounding music unless the vocals are particularly loud and clear. Unless otherwise specified, I'll be judging the music strictly on how it sounds, and the reviews should be read as neither endorsement nor denouncement of the lyrical content. If lyrics are the primary reason you listen to music, you might want to skip this one.

With all that out of the way, let's get into it!

The Reviews

I've preserved my reconstruction on The Internet Archive if you'd like to listen along.

1. Regurgitator – Track 1³ ❌

As I recounted in the intro, when the CD spun up and this track started playing, it made me worry this disc would be an early nu-metal compilation and thus a more culturally radioactive artifact than the free AOL discs. This is a song that would try to sell you speakers out of a windowless white van. It's a song you'd instinctively cross the street to get away from. You wouldn't want to leave your drink unattended around this song. ‹0›

2. Sense Field – Different Times 💿️

The opening licks and first few lines made me think this band would have a sound influenced by Tool, which could've been good. But I had no such luck, for it's just a very dull alternative rock song with no particular qualities. It's the kind of alt rock that makes me think I should reconsider whatever it's an alternative to. Regardless, it's still an improvement over the previous track. ‹1›

3. Porno for Pyros – Dogs Rule the Night ❌

This is the first of three tracks on this disc by an artist I recognize, and it's one I have a long-standing aversion to. I can't stand the sound of Perry Farrell's singing voice. It sounds like a rusty door hinge someone greased with Mountain Dew. I don't know how it's possible for someone's voice to sound this repellent unless they're doing it on purpose. "Wait," you may be wondering, "Perry Farrell? Wasn't he a crooner?" No, you're thinking of Perry Como. Different guy. ‹0›

4. Schleprock – It's Alright 💿️💿️

This is an okay pop punk song. The vocals are rougher than I typically like, but they didn't put me off the song as a whole. The guitars are nice and varied, hopping between melodies, power chords, and a wall of noise as needed. The pieces don't add up to anything super interesting, but it gets the job done. I guess you could say: "it's alright 😏" ‹2›

5. You Am I – Punkarella 💿️💿️

This is another decent pop punk song. This track and the previous one wouldn't sound out of place on a Nitro Records compilation of the same vintage. This one's a fairly slow jam for a song with "punk" in the title, and I feel like I've heard this exact riff progression in an Offspring song. But it sounds okay, the vocals are fine and it's not unpleasant to listen to. I wouldn't change the channel or turn the radio down if this came on, but I wouldn't pay it particular notice either, both of which are hallmarks of the "two". ‹2›

6. Soul Coughing – Soundtrack to Mary 💿️💿️💿️

I was familiar with the Soul Coughing song Circles. It's a pretty funky and experimental song that I like a lot, but I haven't thought about it recently enough to look up anything else by the band. I don't think this song is nearly as interesting as Circles, but I still like it. The vocal melodies aren't super memorable, but the singing is raw and emotional in a way that sticks with me. A good heavy drum groove helps set this song apart from the pack. I think this is a band I should check out. ‹3›

7. Drill Team – Destruct in Stereo 💿️💿️💿️

I like the music in this song a lot. It has a noisy, almost thrash-like intro with wailing guitars and gnarly feedback. Then the vocals come in, and suddenly it resembles a nerdy pop rock song. This isn't a bad thing, except that the chorus is unimaginative and too repetitive for how long the song goes on. The cacophonous shredding, however, continues to kick ass. ‹3›

8. Filter – Under 💿️💿️💿️

Filter is the third and final band on this compilation I've heard of. Most of what I've heard didn't stand out to me, but Hey Man Nice Shot is a great song. This track isn't quite as good as that one, but it's a similar crunchy hard rock song with a good balance of pleasant and screamy vocals. The thudding drum machine rhythm gives it a compelling edge without the song being too derivative of the industrial rock that inspired it. I think their first album might be worth a listen. ‹3›

9. Failure – Pitiful 💿️💿️

The artist name and title of this song primed me for disappointment. Luckily, it's not as much of a pitiful failure as I was bracing for. Basic instrumentation and smooth vocals come together for a neutral radio rock experience. There's a brief guitar solo with wailing feedback, which feels a little unearned when the rest of the song is so normal, but at least it's a point of interest. ‹2›

10. Ditch Croaker – Hebba Ho 💿️💿️💿️💿️

This is a great song, one of the best on the disc. It's full of interesting instrumentation, surprising changes, smooth vocals, and cool noise that meshes well with the melodies. But for all it has going for it, I really wish the chorus was something better than:

Hey, hebba ho
Hey, hebba ho
Hey, hebba ho
Hey, hebba ho

I don't know if this is supposed to mean anything, but if it is, I bet it's pretty dumb. Is it dumb enough for me to dock points? Nah, I guess not. ‹4›

11. Biohazard – A Lot to Learn 💿️💿️💿️

This is another track that would fit in well on a Nitro Records compilation. It has a manic punk intro with shouty vocals that I don't much care for. It then transitions to a slower hard rock movement with proper singing and fantastic guitar noise for about 25 seconds, then it's back to the punk song for the 10-second coda. I really like the transformations; the shouty part, not so much. But at 1m29s, the song's over before I can get annoyed. ‹3›

12. Love in Reverse – Supercar 💿️💿️

This is the slowest track on the compilation. It starts with a heavy, sluggish drumbeat and sad jangly guitar that evokes Bon Jovi's Wanted Dead or Alive. I feel like the band wanted to make a similar anthemic power ballad with a modern rock twist, and it almost works. There are a lot of style changes and a cool instrumental outro, but I don't know, there's some ineffable quality to the singing that makes the song not ring true to me. Like his heart isn't really in it; like he's trying to make a hit that would mimic Bon Jovi's commercial success, but finds no personal meaning or joy in power balladry as an artform. Comparisons to Creed would be unkind but not completely unjustified. ‹2›

13. Darlahood – Grow Your Own 💿️💿️💿️

This is a good bluesy hard rock 'n roll song. It doesn't bring much new to the table, but it executes on its genre very well. If I have one complaint, it's that the song seems to be building to a big guitar solo or breakdown or some kind of climax that never arrives, leaving me with a feeling of unresolved tension at the end. This might not matter as much on the album or in a live show, where the band has control over the song flow, but here it's a weakness. I suppose that's the risk you take with compilation. ‹3›

14. Geggy Tah – Don't Close the Door 💿️💿️💿️💿️💎

This is my favorite song on the album. This track already prompted me to do a deep dive on the band, and they're fascinating. David Byrne described them like this:

Geggy Tah are so postmodern they've come out the other side... They incorporate so many disparate elements into their sound that one senses a new sensibility afoot, an inclusionary wave... like nothing I've heard before.

I don't think the band was quite as unique in this regard as Byrne implies—like I said, there was a lot of cool experimentation happening around this time—but Geggy Tah were without question one of the most talented and creative bands of the 90s, and I'm happy to have found them.⁵

I think Don't Close the Door is one of their best songs. A foundation of clean staccato guitar builds a lovely rhythmic melody. Harmonious and soulful vocals tell a story of love lost. The clear singing pauses to allow a somber guitar bridge with a lonesome "spaghetti western" kind of feel. All the elements come together in an exquisite mournful soundscape that makes you feel the artist's grief. ‹5›

15. Ash – Girl from Mars 💿️

The vocals in this song are shaky and uncertain and full of pathos. This isn't an automatic dealbreaker—in the right context, I enjoy the vocal stylings of Conor Oberst–but here they're totally at odds with the bright, peppy hard rock instrumentals. I'm not trying to be mean, I think I could enjoy the vocalist's work in a different kind of song, but the songwriting here doesn't play to his strengths and ends up sounding like some kind of parody. ‹1›

16. Magic Dirt – Sparrow 💿️💿️💿️💿️

This song stands out because the rhythm guitar is distorted and sustained in a way that gives it a dreamy, sludgey kind of vibe. It's also notable for being the only track on the compilation to feature a woman singing, which I could've used more of. The vocals are very low in the mix and I feel like even a normal person would have trouble understanding the lyrics, but since that's my baseline, it's not a negative for me. The distortion effects on the lead guitar create a cool almost electronic-sounding tone that made me think of a Tom Morello solo. This is a band I want to learn more about. ‹4›

17. Rockers Hi-Fi – One With Another ❌

This is a bad and confusing track to end the album with. It's a 7m43s techno piece unlike any other song on the disc. It feels like the producers submitted a list of the first 16 tracks for approval, and someone called them and said "hey, this thing needs to be at least an hour long, what else you got?" So they frantically flipped through Warner's catalog and grabbed the first new record with a track that would get them over the finish line.

This is the very annoying style of techno popular in the 90s where they repeat one short drum pattern for the duration with no variation, layering other synthy sounds on top but never adding a single element that breaks up the excruciating monotony. It also features the obligatory pseudo-profound spoken word sample, chopped up and repeated ad nauseam throughout the track. The sample is from a 1972 sermon by Rev. Roy Easley called The World Series. The sampled line is:

We have accomplished great accomplishments in outer space. We have landed men on the moon, and now we're probing around Mars. We are learning how to walk upon the moon, but yet we have not learned how to walk one with another.

Maybe I'd find this deep and philosophical if I had smoked the recommended number of "satan's stogies" prior to listening,⁶ but with my full faculties intact, hearing this repeated over and over for nearly eight minutes is more nerve-wracking than the ambient waiting room noise while you're waiting to see the dentist. ‹0›

Conclusion

That's 38 total points out of 68, which gives us a final score of 56%. By my rubric, that makes it slightly above-average; for a 30-year-old promotional EarthLink CD someone threw in a ditch, I think that's a satisfying outcome.

I'll probably delete the ❌s from my personal music library, since those would be guaranteed skips, but otherwise the disc will be part of my music shuffle going forward. I also learned about a few cool bands I might otherwise never have heard of, sought out some new albums to try, and got to preserve a small piece of music history. Thank you for joining me on this journey. 🦝🎶